Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott

My first encounter with Anne Lamott was during my sophomore year at GC in a Fiction and Poetry class: 20 seniors, Brad Shaw, and myself. Lamott came at a good time (I was asked to actually write and share poetry---in the grand scheme of things, I would live in cute, Fiction land where the things in your mind actually sprung to life and you went to talk about them at the local ice cream shop that looked like a 50’s diner with lots of colors for inspiration, while those Poets would spend all their time at Walden Pond being transcendental like and looking a lot like Thoreau-just looking for the right word that, as everyone knows, is actually worth fifteen sentences in prose writing, because it’s that fitting and perfect.) Needless to say, I was a little intimidated. Bird by Bird, written by Lamott about the actual task of writing, helped a lot. And I fell in love with her style of writing-sort of a more liberal and outspoken Lauren F. Winner of the 90’s.

I really appreciate that laced throughout Lamott’s story of coming to God and then Jesus is her emphasis on prayer. Prayer for Lamott means stopping what she is doing, writing out her request to God, or kneeling and putting her face in her hands, and knowing that she will have an answer even if it is weeks later in some form she may not recognize at first. She also describes her need for prayer as her ‘inner little child reminding her to pray about something that seems trivial or outlandish to her.’ For Lamott, keeping the communication open between us and God is the most important thing. Today, as I was expounding on this thought on my walk, I was getting myself into an unproductive mindset, to say the least, and then I talked to God about it, and it wasn’t that hard to change my mindset when I wanted to. Which is encouraging because I spend a lot of time thinking about things (intellection) and not actually doing them—putting faith into action, the pedal to the metal, and all that jazz-type metaphors. So I moved past appreciating what Lamott had to say to actually experiencing it.

Lamott’s comparisons are perfect. She tells us that her son couldn’t possibly understand the concept of having a bad self image because he is a cross between God and Cindy Crawford. She described baby’s rolling around in the sand next to her as ‘breaded veal cutlets.’ She personifies grace as a person (Grace Paley) and when things don’t go the way that Lamott wants them to go, Grace says “It was what it was.” But there’s always another (better) chance waiting for the next time.

Lamott would definitely be out at Walden Pond, waiving her left wing banners as her dread locks bounced up and down while she thought of a perfect comparison of the entire thing in her mind. Her books are also laced with poetry, showing her love and appreciation of just one or so many thoughts being captured in so few words. If we ever met, I’d bring a milk shake from the diner as an icebreaker and we’d sit out by Walden Pond and we’d be able to enjoy its beauty together. In other words, I’d want to talk to her about stuff that she’s written in her books, but I’d probably come off as a blond fan that says something like “wow, your hair is Super cool.” But there’s always the hope that we’d be able to look past our exteriors (and my intimidation of someone who has made it in the writing world) and just talk.

I opened up Plan B right after I was done with Traveling Mercies and a book mark for Book Man Book Woman flew out. I didn’t even see the lady put it in there in Nashville! It says that their books range from $4.95 to $75,000….but mostly in between $10 and $14. What costs $75,000 there??

The Blessed Day Has Arrived

Nashville, Tennessee will always hold a special place in my heart because it was there that the culmination of the Harry Potter series and eight years of my life occurred. Anna and I were the first to Borders to receive color coded wristbands corresponding to when we could stand in line that night to receive our books. At 8 a.m., with a Starbucks right down the block, people kept walking by the store, wondering why we were waiting outside so early. More and more people started to gather and more and more people started to wonder what was going on. We were the wizarding community to those outside muggles who didn’t know what day it was.

Anna and I went back to Borders that night for the Grand Ball, Anna with her roaring lion witch’s hat and me with my pink hair. People greeted us as Luna and Tonks. It was more fun than I’ve had in a long time.

As for the book, can I quote the Goo Goo Dolls song that says “I went to fiction to look for the truth?” Because that’s what I feel like when I read Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling is a master story teller who underlies her stories with the fact that we have a choice in our actions in this life, that doing the right thing is always better than the easy or responsible thing, that relationships with people are one of the highest priorities in our lives, and so much more.
Reading her books is an aesthetic experience. You open that hard binding, you see that familiar font, you quickly dive into her style of telling the story from Harry’s point of view. The Harry Potter series are the only books that I have a preference on hardback or paperback.

And it is here that you need to stop reading if you haven’t read the 7th one yet.

There are several scenes that I just want to read over and over so I can have them engrained in my memory so I can think of them later, verbatim, with perfect clarity.

1. Hermione and Ron’s kiss. “Hang on a moment!” said Ron sharply. “We’ve forgotten someone!” “Who?” asked Hermione. “The house-elves, they’ll all be down in the kitchen, won’t they?” “You mean we ought to get them fighting?” asked Harry. “No,” said Ron seriously, “I mean we should tell them to get out. We don’t want any more Dobbies, do we? We can’t order them to die for us…” There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet. “Is this the moment?” Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice, “OI! There’s a war going on here!”

2. Snape’s memories of Lily. “Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?” Snape hesitated. His black eyes, eager in the greenish gloom, moved over the pale face, the dark red hair. “No,” he said. “It doesn’t make any difference.”

His voice trailed away; she was not listening, but had stretched out on the leafy ground and was looking up at the canopy of leaves overhead. He watched her as greedily as he had watched her in the playground. “How are things at your house?” Lily asked. A little crease appeared between his eyes. “Fine,” he said. “They’re not arguing anymore?” “Oh yes, they’re arguing,” said Snape. He picked up a fistful of leaves and began tearing them apart, apparently unaware of what he was doing. “but it won’t be that long and I’ll be gone.” “Doesn’t your dad like magic?” “He doesn’t like anything much,” said Snape. “Severus?” A little smile twisted Snape’s mouth when she said his name.

“He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” The words seemed wrenched from him against his will. “And he’s not…everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero…” Snape’s bitterness and dislike were rendering him incoherent, and Lily’s eyebrows were traveling farther and farther up her forehead. “I know James Potter’s an arrogant toerag,” she said, cutting across Snape. “I don’t need you to tell me that. But Mulciber’s and Avery’s idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don’t understand how you can be friends with them.” Harry doubted that Snape had even heard her strictures on Mulciber and Avery. The moment she had insulted James Potter, his whole body had relaxed, and as they walked away there was a new spring in Snape’s step…

These scenes mean the most to me and I have no idea why. Probably some combination of girlish hope for Ron and Hermione and some much needed understanding for Snape.

All in all, the book was a brilliant way to end a brilliant series. No commentary of mine could add to what she has already done, and the need for you to read it!

Well Played, Paul

Anna and I just walked out of Book Man/Book Woman (a.k.a Nashville’s Greatest Used Book Store) with five pounds of books. Anna set the mood for the day by wearing her shirt that says ‘Calvinism: This Shirt Chose Me.’ Therefore, this was the attitude we had with buying books….they chose us.

If you want the truth, that’s how it goes with me normally. I’m a book wanter, not a book buyer. Normally I have a list of books that I want to add to my collection-most of them I haven’t read. All of the items on this list have answered one specific question in my mind: not only will they be special to me at this moment in my life, but they have the potential to grow on me and speak to me in different ways as time goes on. I don’t know why I pretentiously know that they will, but I can’t just look around a book store and pick something up that I’ve never heard of before—there has to be some background knowledge, and some reason why I’m reading it.

This list has been growing in my mind since my Freshman year at GC. I’ve had books on that list that I’ve wanted to read for two years. This is where the Calvinism part comes in: I always see specific books on the list at specific times and they always mean so much to me for that specific time period. And if they’re on the list, I know they’re ‘good enough’ to speak to me later. As we walked around the bookstore that made use of twenty wall alcoves besides shelves that seemed to go up forever, doubly stacked with books (books behind books, books on top of books), I perused the fiction section, the religion section, the mystery section…before settling back into the fiction section. And who do I see starting back at me right across from the beautifully bound Jane Austen books? Anne Lamott!
She chose me…and I’m excited to read Traveling Mercies and Further Thoughts on Faith.

Anna kept coming around the corners of the shelves with books containing Mark Twain and L. M. Montgomery. Perfect.

All of this made me think of scripture, and my slight obsession with Paul after taking Pauline Epistles in the spring. I’m currently reading Paul: A Novel….basically a strung together account of his life right before and then after his conversion and calling to the Gentiles. I really like this book because it encompasses the theology of Paul in areas such as the Torah, the status of people, Jews and Gentiles….even though the whereabouts of Paul are so heavily debated. Each chapter is written by a different person that was around him at a different part of his life: Luke, Titus, Prisca.

I thought of Paul because, after rereading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, I started thinking about our repainting of the Christian faith. So much of Paul’s ministry was the ‘casting in a new light’ of parts of the Torah and repainting snippets of truth Paul found that was held by non-Jews: telling people that they knew of God because they saw what was outside them in creation. In Paul’s opinion, these people had experienced the God of Israel and they were completely non-Jewish (sacrificing to the god of the games and the god of this and that) just because they could see creation!

This repainting of the Christian faith includes reading books by Anne Lamott and what she thinks about grace, something I’ve asked God to help me wrap my mind around. Grace, for me, is God calling us out again, even though we screwed up the first time. Being called out to be pure, to live life abundantly, to choose God….every day

It's All Just Really Chutes and Ladders

Last night I had the privilege of hanging out with three guys that are close to my heart. They might as well be my brothers, considering one of them is. On the outside, the evening looked normal-the drive in, Denny’s…some may even consider that Litchfield tradition. But, as the storm swept in as the credits started to role for the last movie, we all cloistered around a booth at the blessed 24 hour restaurant that has come to be the home of many beautiful late night conversations.

For the record, this conversation came up because Andy and Tim ordered milk shakes, and as any good Denny’s going customer knows, not only do you receive a milk shake in a glass, but you also receive the goodness in the silver glass used to make and pour the milk shake, commonly known as ‘the extra.’ The boys got off on a kick trying to compare ‘the extra’ to things in life. “It’s like getting a bag of 40 pizza rolls and getting 42.” “It’s like wow.” And then it was said: “It’s like winning at chutes and ladders.”

My brother’s analogy of the summer.

That every boy seems to agree with…..wholeheartedly. Imagine boys laughing and going crazy before other guys finish sentences because they agree so much with what is being said—this is the magnitude of how much this metaphor resounds with all boys.

Chutes and Ladders: the game of life….more specifically, the game of life as dictated by women. According to the boys, you can’t avoid the game and it all just basically boils down to the fact that men are ruled by the basics and women are ‘anti-basic.’

The Basics: food, sleep, the opposite sex, and pride. Men have accepted the fact that their lives are ruled by the basics. They have to have these things in their lives. They are also willing to forgo one of the basics in order for another one of the basics to be fulfilled: for example, I guess I can stay up and talk to this girl because I’ve had enough food and sleep lately.
But it seems that whatever is most pressing, whatever is ‘next’ in the logical progression of things, like breakfast, for instance, takes precedent.

Women: the rule writers of Chutes and Ladders.

A relationship with a girl is like playing chutes and ladders. Sometimes a guy does something and he gets a ladder, aka a good thing happens. A ladder may be something as small as reaching for her hand and she holds yours and smiles. That’s definitely a step up.
But with every ladder, there is, inevitably, a chute.
The next time that you may reach for her hand, she may pull away. But wait, this worked last time? What the heck? The definition of a chute….or any reason for a guy’s pride to deflate.

Crazy things happen in the game of Chutes and Ladders, mostly because all women are different and write different rules pertaining to the chutes and the ladders. Also, sometimes women change up the rules completely from what they were before, just to do so…and apparently this is the epitome of all evil in this metaphorical game (if you’re still following me by this point. My sources say that if you’re a guy, you are getting this completely, but if you’re a girl you may be trailing off a bit. I’m working on being a liaison.)

At the end of this conversation, I came to the conclusion that I’m basically the giver of chutes and ladders, and that it’s good for guys and girls to be together because a ‘symbiotic relationship’ happens between basic and complex.

And this is all very good, like the extra of a milk shake.

Sunset Walks

In preparation for Walkabout the Third, I have been quite disciplined, if I do say so myself, to walk/run a couple miles everyday. What better time to do this then right before, during, and after sunset? Besides the obvious reasons being the painted sky and the temperature actually dropping, I have found others at the high school track (yes, I know, I’m not actually athletic enough to run on a road or sidewalk.)

The track is hopping during sunset.

And what’s great is it’s the same people everyday. Like we have an unspoken agreement to all be there at the same time, because believe me, we don’t actually talk to one another. Here’s the breakdown:

Citizen Cane: This older man walks in the outside lanes of the track and he carries a cane with him as if he’s carrying it for balance-right out in front with both hands, swinging back and forth. About every third step his hip gives in and his leg bends in unnaturally, but all I can think of is how much I admire this man: he obviously wants to improve his walking, and he’s not out for a stroll-he does a couple miles right along with me.

The Ya Ya Sisterhood: This group of women spans three generations, with the youngest being, oh, I’d say 48. They take up six lanes of the track, (each walking a lane apart from one another) just stroll along, and talk very loudly about who’s suffering from what addiction and how that’s the worst one to possibly have. It’s always awkward passing them because I have to use a lane right next to one of them. Courtesy track passing either means you acknowledge the person behind you and move two lanes over or, as the passer, you move a couple lanes over, pass, and then retake the inner lane. These rules are strict and rigid and everyone follows them….except the Ya Ya’s.

The Married Couple: They start off walking at the same time, but he naturally speeds up and leaves her in the dust. We’re talking ¾’s of the track ahead of her…he’s practically caught up to her again by the time they are done. If I were the wife, I’d be ticked! Walk next to me! But for some reason, I have this thing that I can’t let the husband pass me. I’m always there when they start out and we always start out half the track apart and he always almost catches up to me…but then they leave and I win the silent war.

The Woman with Different Children: This is the woman who brings her children (that happen to be different everyday) to the track to “play”-which, of course, means running up and down the bleachers, running the opposite way on the track, riding bikes around campus-while she walks 2 or 3 laps. There’s a lot of ‘get down from there!’ and ‘be careful!’

After three miles, the sun has set at the high school, leaving the sky pink, orange, or purple. I get in my car, drive home, and after I pass that certain cornfield, the sky is completely ablaze because the sun hasn’t quite set at my house yet…and the best thing about my house is the panoramic view-no buildings to get in the way, just fields and sky and me. It’s one of the best parts of my day. I never thought the sunset would be so important to me.
Ok, Rob Bell, I’m trying to interact with nature/creation here!

I’m thinking about implementing the sunset walks at Greenville…now to find a place where I can actually see the sun set.

The Difference Between Shooting Stars and Satellites?

Harry Potter mania has officially begun.
Anna saw the new movie last night at midnight....I'm pathetically making it to the 4:30 matinee today, you know, on the actual relase date when the sun is shining. But I'm going with three people who will think the special affects are awesome, who will get goosebumps when the music crescendos at the climax of the movie, and who will want to talk about what just happened on screen. Yes, I'm going with my brother and two younger cousins---a family of nerds! I'm so glad they're in my life!
I read a quote on J.K. Rowling's website about how she would take time off after she finished each book, but then her hand would start itching for a pen and she automatically wanted to be back in a cafe, scratching words across a page. Sigh...what a life! After a summer of being home and having nothing to do but read and write, I almost said amen to those words when I read them. Oh to live a life of blank pages in binding with ink blotches on my hand.
And then I'm also happy to be back at Greenville soon, because when people hear me say stuff like that their immediate response will be, "Em, you need to be around people more often."
J.K. also said she knew she wanted to be a writer from a young age because she was perfectly happy sitting in her room all day, just making stuff up.

My dad tells me about once a week that I can do what she has done. Isn't that sweet? : )
Maybe not a crazy series that gets translated into every language, but a book.....yes, a book.

Transition

I started thinking a lot about this year, to be more specific this year that starts in three weeks for me. And summer was over like that. I started thinking about what we’re going to do during training and how we’re going to work together as a team and what boxes I’m going to pack my stuff in and that antsy feeling I get every year before I go back that is only a slice of what I felt before my freshman year-a combination of being excited and not knowing what is going to happen and knowing I will be crazy busy but will remember random things from the whole RC/Walkabout/Moving In process-yeah, that was there today. So the transition of being back in school has begun….a lot earlier than some, but I do need to start thinking about it.

I talked to Laura on the phone today, actually Mele ( pronounced May-Lay) on the phone. Mele is the new Laura. The Laura that doesn’t write anything down in her planner book. The Laura that surfs. The Laura that GIVES guys her PHONE NUMBER without them asking. Laura went to Hawaii and Super Confident Mele is returning to the mainland in a week. And I’m stoked because she’s so full of life and we’re going to take walks during the school year and she’s going to tell me to be more confident.

I’m going to see Anna in a week in the little red truck. We’re going to single-handedly be responsible for reversing the mainstream culture by waiting in line for a midnight release of a book. Ok, so, we’ll be doing it with a billion other people across the world, but it is kind of noble and purist reader-like, isn’t it?

And yes, it is for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

And yes, I’m really excited.

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash

For an avid movie fan, you would think that I would get around to seeing movies that are thought of as particularly good by everyone and have won several awards.

Somehow, that doesn’t always happen and I see a movie a year or two late.

Tonight I saw Walk the Line for the first time.

I loved the poetic retelling of Johnny Cash’s life-the writer fully encompassing the pain and sorrow that comes from addiction and life on the road.

I absolutely adored June Carter as a character and Reese Witherspoon as an actress all at the same time. And I did like watching them fall in love—granted it was after failed marriages, infidelity, and lots of issues, but it was a true story that included forgiveness and redemption. Plus, who can say no to a completely non-cheesy ‘here I’m going to teach you how to do this and touch you at the same time’ classic love story scene? Yeah,
best one that I’ve seen in a while.

I love when screenplay writers start off the movie with a scene towards the end and successfully progress through the movie to that scene. The writing, needless to say, was awesome: enough background of Cash’s life, just the right scenes to show the emotion that was going on, and just enough to develop June as well.

My dad’s favorite scene is when June’s family chases the drug dealer off Cash’s property with a gun. We laughed. “Sometimes that’s the way it has to be done.” –Dad
And you know, I would have to agree with that. Sometimes we have to vehemently chase things away.

My favorite scene happens to be when June and Johnny first meet and she gets her dress stuck on his guitar strap. She rushes on stage and inadvertently leaves a piece torn from her dress on Johnny’s guitar. Where was the deleted scene showing that he still had that piece of dress with him years later?? : ) But really, the way that they looked at each other…..(insert low whistle here). You should read about how a couple looks at each other in Sex God by Rob Bell…; ).

My mom’s favorite scene is when Johnny and the boys are first auditioning and the label guy comes out with this monologue that book ends the rest of the movie-“if you had to choose one song to sing before you died.” Again, incredibly, not cheesy! June has some zingers too which I especially enjoyed.

I’ll probably watch it again tomorrow.

Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality by Rob Bell

I loved this book. You should go out and read it right now.
If you don’t recognize the author, Rob Bell also wrote Velvet Elvis which you should read right now as well. This book was good because it opened up a scriptural view of marriage as I had never experienced before. This also included expounding on the marriage language that God uses in scripture to refer to the Body of Christ.
Read it!

Favorite Quotes/Ideas:

-Bell expands on the idea when Jesus talks about gouging out your eye before your whole self ends up in hell from lusting. He points out that the main purpose of this teaching is that something hellish happens when we treat people as objects, as something less than human. And that something hellish happens to us; it happens to our hearts, souls, and mindsets about other people. He provides a great example of appreciating people: this woman, named Lil, has devoted herself to taking care of another woman that will be developmentally six months old for the rest of her life. Lil says that her family can’t imagine life without the disabled woman. This is appreciating life.

-We need to be connected to the Earth-to look at trees and hike to see a view and to plant things, because this reminds us of God. We also need to be connected to people of all ages and socioeconomic statuses because we are connected-and to be connected has a sexual dimension.

-Bell’s definition of sexuality with connection in mind: “If we take this understanding of our natural state seriously, we have to rethink what sexuality is. For many, sexuality is simply what happens between two people involving physical pleasure. But that’s only a small percentage of what sexuality is. Our sexuality is all of the ways we strive to reconnect with our world, with each other, and with God.”

-“When I meet someone who has been burned by an institution, my first question is, “What was the person’s name?”

-“There are these two extremes, denying our sexuality or being driven by it, and then there’s the vast space in between.” In the thought that we can’t be angels or animals, we have to live in the tension of being human. “When we deny the spiritual dimension to our existence we end up feeling like animals. And when we deny the physical, sexual dimension to our existence, we end up living like angels. And both ways are destructive, because God made us human.”

-“He (Paul) insists that everything God created is good, and we come to see this through what he calls “the word of God and prayer,” which is the hard work of study and reflection and meditation and discussion and debate. The temptation is always to avoid things that are difficult and complex. To go around them rather than through them.”

-“The problem for Adam and Eve isn’t the food. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the food. The food is good. This is what Eve notices about it, that it’s “good for food.” It’s created by God for the enjoyment of people. The same goes for most of the things and people we lust for. In most cases, there’s nothing wrong with them inherently-her body, that product, this food. The problem for Adam and Eve is what the fruit has come to represent. Rebelion against God. Rejection of the good, the true, and the beautiful. Another way.

-“Adam and Eve fixate on this one piece of fruit from this one tree when God has given them endless trees with infinite varieties of fruit to enjoy. Which is often our problem. There’s so much to enjoy, and yet we fixate on something we don’t have.” Favorite quote, hands down. We need to get in the groove of thanking God for what He has given us. What are you fixating on? One pomegranate doesn’t compare to the rest that He’s given you…..ok you get the picture.

-“God made us to appreciate aesthetics: taste, smell, touch, hearing, sight. Shape, texture, consistency, color. It all flows from the endless creativity at the center of the universe, and we were created to enjoy it. But when lust has us in its grip, one of the first things to suffer is our appreciation for whatever it is we’re fixated on.”

-“Whatever it is that has its hooks in you, you will never be free from it until you find something you want more. It’s not about getting rid of desire. It’s about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires. What are you channeling your energies into?”

-Bell talks about love as a risk. He uses the Song of Solomon-talking about the lover coming home to the beloved and asking to come into their bedroom. She does not respond favorably and then he leaves. And God takes a risk with us.

-“Love is a giving away. When we love, we put ourselves out there, we expose ourselves, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.”

-“If you’re God and you want to express ultimate love to your creation, if you want to move toward them in a definitive way, you have a problem, because just showing up overwhelms people. You wouldn’t come as you are. You wouldn’t come in strength. You wouldn’t come in your pure, raw essence. You’d scare everybody away. The last thing people would perceive is love. So how would you express your love in an ultimate way? How do you connect with people in a manner that wouldn’t scare them off but would compel them to want to come closer, to draw near? You would need to strip yourself of all of the trappings that come with ultimate power and authority.”

-“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”-Ephesians, v 23 somewhere. “The word head is the word kephale in the Greek language. We could spend hours analyzing exactly what it means, but the larger point is that the husband is supposed to be like Christ. And what does that look like? Notice how the text continues. Verse 24 repeats the submit command, and then verse 25 reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ’s “headship” comes from his giving himself up for the church. His sacrifice. His surrender. His willingness to give himself away for her. His death. Whatever authority the word head carries with it is rooted in the sacrifice of Christ, and therefore the sacrifice of the husband.” Or to quote Corrie’s pastor: “This is not the ‘headship’ that we think of in corporate America-to be the ‘head’ of a company, or the likes.”

-“Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re worthy. Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love. Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re beautiful. Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful. There is a love because, love in order to, love for the purpose of, and then there is love, period. Agape doesn’t need a reason.”

-“Now often the Ten Commandments are seen as the harsh rules of a God who is looking for ways to judge and control people. Just follow the rules and no one will get hurt. As if the best that God can come up with is a list of things people shouldn’t do. Often religion with this understanding of God has very little to say to people beyond “don’t do this and don’t do that.” But the Ten Commandments are about something else. In a Jewish wedding ceremony, a legal document called the ketubah must be agreed upon and signed by both parties. Essentially it’s a list of what they are entering into. Both the bride and groom must be clear with each other on what they are committing to, what they both affirm it will take for this relationship to work. The Ten Commandments are the ketubah. They’re the agreement between the people and God about how they’re going to live together, which is why the first one deals with having other gods. It’s essentially an agreement that this relationship won’t work if they have other lovers.”

God continues to bring Jewish thought processes to my mind. I’ve been voluntarily reading Lauren F. Winner, but here it is again in Sex God. I’m excited about my Judaism classes at Greenville this coming year.
Another exciting thing that has come with my premature understanding of Judaism this summer is a newfound appreciation for tradition, more specifically the fact that we can acknowledge God through everything as aided by the liturgy, remembering why we do things like celebrate Easter, and, of course, our own specific rituals like taking a walk every night to ‘notice nature’ and see God through that.
I’ve been reading Nehemiah. He gets Israel on track to rebuild the wall and the chapter I read today had to do with the leaders reading the law and the people crying. Nehemiah quickly said ‘the joy of the Lord is your strength’ verse, but was more important for me is that they reinstated the Feast of Tabernacles, or Sukkot. And my devotional talked about having a healthy balance of celebrating what God has down in our lives concerning grace, and contrition, repentance, and sorrow. My love for putting a material quality to scripture was enflamed as I read about the ‘booths’ that Jews reconstruct to symbolize the booths that the Israelites dwelt in during the 40 days in the desert.
This all makes me want to celebrate something. I’m thinking about celebrating purity….seriously. And a couple of things came to mind. I need to get scripture on purity-a sort of packet that I can read from and have floating around in my mind as I research these next couple of weeks under the umbrella of: what is purity? I need a community to celebrate with. And I need concrete ways to celebrate—like the booths that are made during Sukkot. Of course, the mindset would be that we are celebrating purity, and therefore celebrating God. And the point would be celebrating the fact that we are a new creation, that sexuality is about being connected (ala Rob Bell), and that God gives us the grace to live pure lives.
Of course this would have to be balanced by the repentance that would occur for the ways we haven’t lived pure lives.

Just a few ideas….

And then all of this thought about celebration made me think about the way the Christian year is ordered, and then, more specifically, the way that we gather every Sunday with a community to partake in both a celebration, a remembrance, and an offering of repentance. Church : ).

Today I was looking at a magazine my mom bought that had to do with weddings. There was a page with a featured cake from each state. I asked her if she could pick out my favorite one. She picked it out in 30 seconds. My dad picked it out in a minute. Out of 50 states! I guess I'm predictable....or they just know me well.

A is for Arizona

Last night Shan and I drove to AZ. I read her the last part of C is for Corpse by Sue Grafton. As we drove farther and farther away from civiliation, the murder mystery became darker and darker. I was officially freaked out....but it's definitely something I will never forget. We might as well have been in a covered wagon reading by candlelight by the way we were talking about this book.
Ah memories.

The Rendezvous State

I feel like I've had an idyllic California experience.
Corrie met us at the produce stand at Underwood farms where her mom works when we got here. As we were picking out vegetables to eat in an open air, completely wooden produce stand, I actually felt like I was in a California I had pictured. It was so refreshing to be in the state that I had once considered to be totally fake because it didn't have any buildings that were 60 years old or the fact that I could access Gucci, Starbucks, or water because it was pumped into the desert...but this time I was surrounded by agriculture: lemon trees, orange trees, vineyards.
That same night we went to the beach. I've never been to the beach at night when the moon and stars were reflecting off the waves. We took our sandals off at the edge of the beach and walked through the cold sand to the waterfront. As we stood with our feet in the sand looking at the waves, I realized how awesome it would be to own property on the beach front, even though it would cost several million dollars. Maybe someday in a far off land....
The next day we went to Santa Barbara and went shopping downtown, went to the Santa Barbara Mission and rose garden (gorgeous), and went out on the pier. I took a lot of pictures of the sailboats. It was at this point that I realized that California would seriously hinder my judgement in any romantic endeavour, because the surroundings are so beautiful and amiable.....which means it's perfect for a good thought process in writing form.
Then we went to Corrie's friend's reaffirmation of her baptismal vows. As we prayed for her, I was reminded why we have community--to show that God is real-the cloud of witnesses. That was definitely stressed that night and I felt it through the small community that was around that night, even if it was just to play the Wii and to stand around and talk.
We went to a Jars of Clay concert tonight in a small venue. The sound quality and closeness factor made the whole experience amazing. They played for about two hours and it was a great concert musically. On the way home, we drove past Disney Land as they were shooting off fireworks for their evening parade. We were on the freeway, so we were almost at the same height where the fireworks exploded....it was beautiful.
Through all of this we have been listening to the new Lifehouse CD, which makes it sort of movie soundtrack like as I'm looking at all of my surroundings.
I love being here...we're going to the beach and then heading back to Arizona tomorrow, maybe in hopes of catching a Diamondback game and going to some favorite AZ places. Back to the arid desert after the cool ocean breeze....and then eventually back to humidity.

My High School Library

Today I sifted through my books and gave my 16 and 14 year old cousins these titles:
God’s Words on Life for Teens (verse book)
This is the Air I Breathe by Louie Giglio
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
In the Name of Jesus by Henry Nouwen
Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy
Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy
Jesus Freaks by DC Talk
Captivating by Stasi Eldredge

I find solace in the fact that I at least read Oswald Chambers as a teenager, but all the rest of the titles are from a normal evangelical teenager’s library.
It’s funny how much you grow up in a few years. My high school friends and I have since had the conversation about how much we were concerned with God’s will in high school relationships and, rightly so, purity. I look at highschoolers now and the first words that come to mind are “You’re just babies.”—Especially in the area of relationships.
I was more concerned with the practice of things instead of the principle behind them….emotion instead of tradition: the definition of a highschooler. For instance, I swore off dating in high school simply because of the Josh Harris books and the attitude of my friends around me. I worshipped to feel God, not to praise Him as a part of the Body of Christ, as a part of the community.

Even though I was just a baby seeking out God, He used those youth group years just like He did those Sunday School years-to eventually form my heart and mind toward Him through scripture, people, crazy books about dating, and rock star like worship events.

If you would have told me in high school that I would come to love tradition in college, I would not have believed you. I would have never guessed that the baptismal promises the community made for me when I was a baby would come to mean so much to me. The years that I spent loving, hating, and growing up in the Catholic church taught me the rhythm of the liturgy, the importance of the Eucharist, and the faith of my family. The sacraments I have been a part of, like the anointing of the Holy Spirit in confirmation, are really special.

We all have crazy back stories. Now I feel all grown up reading things like Lauren F. Winner.

To Quote The Princess Bride: Maaaawwwiiiidge!

Standing next to Missy and Matt as they said their vows was one of the most special things I’ve done in this new adult life of mine. As I watched them promise to serve each other and put Christ at the center of their marriage, I couldn’t help but think about the promises we/the community makes for us at baptism. And it’s so fitting that baptism and marriage are communal events. We make promises even though we have no idea what the life ahead entails, but we can trust in God’s grace and the community to help us with those promises. It’s also powerful because we are acknowledging the fact that there will be days when we don’t feel like serving God or serving our spouse, but the community and God’s grace will be there. It's the whole idea of words and actions meaning more than feelings.
I’m thinking about ordering a picture of some part of the wedding and putting it up on my wall as sort of a start to a collection: the weddings that I’ve been a part of; remembering to be a community member to those that I’ve stood with as they promised their lives to each other. It makes me think ahead to those that I will inevitably be a part of in the future.

It’s safe to say that my love and hope for community was renewed.

I caught the bouquet….yeah, that’s right!

No More Octobers

Our first lady of Greenville College passed away last night. Like most students, I didn't have a lot of interaction with her personally-we all just knew her as the beautiful lady with great spiky hair that lived in the big white house at the end of campus. It was just this beauty that got me the closest to Ellen Mannoia-for Valentines Day the Papyrus did a section on The Fifteen Most Beautiful People of GC. I met with the President, told him my idea, and before I even got to express why I was there, he said, "And you want to feature Ellen, of course." Why yes, I did.
Being a student at GC for the last three years meant that Ellen updates had become a part of life. For a while she'd be doing good and would show up in chapel, or we'd hear about how they were doing on their sabatacle in Italy. She was always at graduation sitting in the exact same chair-I know because I observed her from the band for three years, including this year when she couldn't stand when she was recognized, so we stood for her. They announced that College Avenue-the building that I lived in this past year-was to be renamed after her. I've never been part of a longer or more meaningfull standing ovation in my entire life.
When we heard that Ellen had weeks left, two thoughts struck my mind: 1. I was a freshman at GC in chapel. She was speaking. She joked about how she and God had conversations every so often about her life-how she wanted to be there for her children's weddings and how her next conversation with God was going to be about grandchildren. 2. There would be no more Octobers for Ellen Mannoia.
Why had I thought this? Was it because the mere thought of having weeks to live was so impacting? Or was it because, as anyone who lives in Greenville knows, fall on campus and around town rivals any other beautiful place in the world. For a few short weeks, gold and orange and red hang in the air against the brick buildings and outside classroom windows and literally blankets campus. I looked forward to every morning I got up during fall this past year and walked from College Avenue to chapel. That is truly the best walk: trees lining the street, the GC sign, Hogue Hall in the background....and Joy house.
Ellen Mannoia was always subtlely a part of students' lives as she added to the beauty of Greenville College. I will remember her most in the fall this year, when the beauty outside contains a twinge of pain because it is so breathtaking.

Hedged In: The Beginning of Renewal

I am undone. Like twine being untwisted string by string.

The reason I’m supposed to be home: a lot of undoing for stuff that happened this past school year. Why do I feel like I’m on holiday at my house? Why am I just spending hours upon hours journaling, reading, praying? At the beginning of the summer I was determined to figure out what I was supposed to do. Now I feel like I’m just swept up in what is supposed to be rest and relaxation.
Why did I feel, all semester, that I would put my effort into things and it would feel as if I was getting nowhere? I’m coming back to joy. I’ve tried happiness for a long time, but it never lasts.

I’m seeking forgiveness in a lot of areas.

I’m seeing that God’s timing really does exist. This hedging in process shows that He really does care.

Some of the undoing (people that I need forgiveness from, ways that I need to say I’m sorry) flows freely from my heart because it just happened this semester: ways that I was stubborn, hurtful words, not being there for certain people, not loving the people who loved me. Other parts of the undoing come from a long time ago—areas that I don’t want to look at, areas that I just want to forget.

What’s exciting is that I know, after being undone, that God will rebuild me—especially to be an SRC in the fall.

Thank You, Lord, for Your powerful forgiveness.

Welcome to My Little Country House

Did anyone see the cheesy movie The Holiday? Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet traded houses for a week. John Krasinski made an appearance.

Well, I feel like I’m on a holiday…in my own house. I’ve been spending a lot of time here and for some reason this has made me appreciate my house so much more. I started to notice all the little country knick knacks my mom has around and I started thinking how much I would really enjoy it if I just got to stay here for the week as a stranger.
I look out the window and the corn and beans are growing. The sun has been shining brightly for the last couple of days. I drank about five glasses of tea, wrote a letter, and went to the post office. Tonight, I have a movie date with myself, the great work that is the Lord of the Rings, and a pizza sub.
I officially love summer in the Midwest.

Mini-Golf, Missy Sands, and The Mystery Caller

Last night was magical.
We mini-golfed while the sun set, the characterized fountains splashed around us, and the temperature brought out all the families with small children. It’s truly the summer.

Afterwards, Missy and I stood around in her apartment and talked about how, in six months time, Missy Sands is going to be a term that’s commonplace. Somewhere in the midst of looking at her in her apartment and realizing that, in a week’s time, I’m going to be standing next to her in a pink dress, I saw Missy for what she really was: a grown up. Never mind the fact that she has been engaged for a year and in a relationship for more than that. Never mind the fact that I’ve spent time with her and Matt together. It didn’t matter-she was still a single friend. She was still there to laugh at all of my stupid jokes, get all of the inside jokes, and understand when I talked to her about yet another boy. Yes, she’s been there since the first day of freshman year. Engaged, fiancé, wedding-none of those terms mattered.

And then I realized how different we were. She’s getting married-called to love Matt and to be a wife and to be one flesh. And I’m called to be in Tower, to be surrounded by girls in the apartment that I need to be around, and to be single.

Then the realization faded and she was just Missy again. No longer Missy Weatherby to me, but not yet Missy Sands.

In the middle of mini-golfing, I received a call on my cell phone from a private number. Without even thinking about it, I thought it was my brother. When I heard the male voice when I answered, I convinced myself it was him, calling because he was driving to Oklahoma and bored. Never mind that his cell phone would have registered on my caller id. I called Ryan after I got home and told him I was sorry that I couldn’t talk earlier….but he hadn’t called me.

The Phone Conversation:
Me: Hello?
Mystery Caller: Hey.
Me (in a happy to hear from you, but I’m doing something else voice): Hey, I’m mini-golfing right now!
MC: Oh really! With who?
Me (annoyed because I told Ryan about this earlier): The bride! Missy!
MC: Cool.
Me: Are you driving right now?
MC: Yes.
Me: Okay, well I’ll talk to you later.
MC: Ok

So my dad’s thinking that somebody tried to prank me. If so, I guess I got him! Especially the part at the end when I asked him if he was driving! I can only imagine how confused he was.

Are you the Mystery Caller?

Giving My Thoughts to Shia

I’m always jealous of people who say things like their worst fear is dying alone or wasting their life. I feel like that’s legitimate.

There is only one thing I’ve been afraid of my entire life: storms, tornadoes, anything that can be conjured up out of the sky that has the ability to wipe out everything that I know.
When I was little I used to go in my parents’ room or make my brother come sleep in my room.
I prayed for a solid month after my freshman year of college that it would not storm on solo during Walkabout like it had the past year.
Last night, we were supposed to get this crazy storm and, without even thinking about it, I grabbed my pillow and slept downstairs.

Reasons Why I Can Justify My Fear:
-My grandparents’ house was struck by lightning and it burnt to the ground when I was four. I remember digging through the ashes and the only things that were left over were coins that had melted together.
-My aunt and uncle’s house was struck by lightning and it left a hole in their ceiling.
-The transformer outside of my house was struck by lightning one summer and it melted all of our electronic devices.
-All of these places are within a two mile radius each other. So that saying that lighting never strikes the same place twice-wrong. It’s been scientifically proven that certain places attract lightning, and I’m convinced that I’m living in one of them.

When I was little, I used to cry to the point of being irrational because I was scared. My mom would tell me to think about something else. You know, think happy thoughts. So I would try desperately to think of stuff that I had to do at school the next day instead of thinking about all of the necessary precautions I would have to go through if I were the only one to hear the tornado sirens. I eventually started to imagine myself somewhere else.

The other night my brother and I were talking about the meanings of crazy dreams. For instance, what does it mean when you dream about a rabid horse? Or aliens? Or blacktop? He was on this website that talked about the importance of our daydreams-that it was important to pay attention to what our thoughts wandered to in the middle of the day.

I’ve become quite good at imagining myself somewhere else. The point is always to stop freaking out so I can relax and fall asleep and not have to go downstairs because I’m afraid. Well, last night I was with Shia LeBeouf.
And you have to understand-I don’t know if I perfected it as a child-but when I imagine myself somewhere else, it occupies my mind so much that I forget what is going on around me. It’s horrible for class, my eyes glaze over and I become catatonic and I completely miss what happened in the last five minutes.
So I closed my eyes and the first thing that popped into my head was Shia. We were in California and he lived right across the street from me. I called him on my cell phone, told him my fear, and ran over to his house in the rain. We sat on his couch and talked as it rained outside.

Let me just point out that it had never started raining outside in real life. I’m always anticipating so as to never be caught by surprise.
I ended up going downstairs and sleeping. Shia was not enough.
Right before I went to sleep, I thought about two things:
1. I was inside a house in a basement. Much better than being under a plastic tarp in the Smokey Mountains.
2. If there really was a tornado, I wouldn’t want Shia to come, I’d want God to. Then a thought popped into my head of someone reaching out to take my hand, and I was comforted.

I woke up this morning and my devotional was about “The God Who Calms Fears.”
I’m rereading Winner’s Girl Meets God and the part I read today talked about Winner giving up reading for Lent. Reading is her life. So she gives it up for 40 days in effort to give God something that means the world to her. She realized that she doesn’t just read for pleasure, but for escape. Lent reminds her, then, that she can’t just take her fears, sadness, and mistakes to the Mitford series, she has to take them to God.
It’s a simple truth, right? Cast your cares and fears upon the Lord?

Hedged In

This sentence from the end of the Winner book I just read is haunting me. She was talking about a man struggling with premarital sex and the fact that he thought he was ‘damaged goods’ because he kept struggling with it. Winner put a new paradigm around his struggle and said that he was just trying to be a faithful Christian; in other words: don’t give up because you aren’t perfect in an area, keep struggling to find balance even though you’re struggling with something negative—as most struggles are.

I’ve become okay with certain things that I struggle with instead of being the Restorative freak that I am and jumping on any chance to reconstruct an area of my life. This is why, when I was journaling the other day with sleep in my eyes and my feet getting cold from being out of the blankets on my bed, it was so important when this thought entered my head-I started thinking about the book of Hosea and how God ‘hedged in’ the woman Israel and told her that He would renew her and that the Valley of Achor (trouble) would become the Door of Hope. (This is why I want to be faithful to scripture-so God can bring it to my memory because there actually IS a memory.)
Certain thought processes, like this one, mean God. I just know that they are. And this certain one meant everything from renewal to it being okay that I was just in my house for the summer reading and journaling and praying because God was ‘hedging me in.’ He has me where He wants me and I can trust that it’s good.

Reading Winner also makes me want to run back to Greenville in hopes of lots of syllabi that tell me to buy wonderful books concerning theology and religion, much akin to the book lists received with the Hogwarts end of summer letter. I remember when I found my place at Greenville by becoming an English major. I would jog up the stairs of Hogue hall, turn right on the second floor and immediately see the Platform 9 and ¾ sign above Dr. Martin’s door on the left side of the hall. I knew I was in the right place. Old books sitting out in boxes because the book cases inside of the offices simply could not hold anymore books and professors just resorted to giving them away to the avid readers. I remember sitting in classes with people that loved books-people who, just like me, read the most in their high school classes and dreamed of being English teachers just like the ones they had that inspired them so much.
As much as I loved fitting so well in my English major for two years, I never dreamed I would find my home on the right side of the hall of second Hogue: the Religion department. Pretty much the English department with a specific focus. I can’t wait to learn about the evolution of worship with Brian Hartley, or the History of Judaism with Christina Smerick. These people are the combination of the loves of reading, researching, seeking answers and coming to conclusions: the successful marriage between English and Religion, the essence of Emily Bishop.
If Lauren F. Winner was a professor at Greenville, her office would be on the second floor. Whether it would be on the left or right side would be a matter of opinion. Her talent for writing would place her on the left, her subject matter would place her on the right.

I want to be her.

Winner also has the gift of showing how God has moved in her life without actually saying that He has. For me, I know that I found God when I get up for class at ten thirty in the morning and listened to Hartley talk about the Pauline Epistles. I found God when Smerick was talking about faith and Kierkegaard. And what was great about this was that it was a process. Now I can look back and see what it all meant at the time and what it means for now.

So it’s okay, that right at this moment, I have no idea about a lot of stuff: this summer, next year as an SRC (when my thought process just leads to-holy mother, what am I getting myself into?), AFTER COLLEGE (gasp). Because God’s more of a big picture, process, journey type omniscient being. And He’s always faithful to be found when I open those religion books, or my journal, or when I talk to any of my close friends.

Faithful is a good word for Him.

Real Sex by Lauren F. Winner

I didn’t think I would get into this book as much as I did with Girl Meets God simply because GMG was so good, but as I kept reading I was pleasantly surprised. The subtitle to this book is ‘the naked truth about chastity.’ Winner uses the book as a platform to talk about the role of the Body of Christ in the area of sex, marriage, and singleness. She also uses a great portion of the book to discuss the view of our individual physical bodies. I really took a lot away from it.

Some favorite quotes: (Concerning the idea of couples being exclusive even in marriage): “The history of dance, Berry says, is illustrative: in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, “the old ring dances, in which all couples danced together,” were gradually replaced by “social ballroom dancing, in which each couple dances alone.” For many people today, of course, social ballroom dancing is a thing of the past. It has been replaced by the rave, in which a crowd of people dance not so much as a community, but as a group of individuals, boogying in the same room, alone.”

(Concerning the lie that sex always has to be exciting): “Our task is not to cultivate moments when eros can whisk us away from our ordinary routines, but rather to love each other as eros becomes embedded in, and transformed by, the daily warp and woof of married life. For in household sexuality, we see the ways of our daily human struggles offer the only language we have to call ourselves to God’s grace.”

“What fasting is slowly teaching me is the simple lesson that I am not utterly subject to my bodily desires.”

“Perhaps we ought not fixate on the call of lifelong singleness. Some people, of course, are called to lifelong singleness, but more of us are called to singleness for a spell, if even a very long spell. Often, our task is to discern a call to singleness for right now, and that’s not so difficult. If you are single right now, you are called, right now, to be single-called to live single life as robustly, and gospel-conformingly, as you possibly can.”

“Singleness tells us, for starters, of a radical dependence on God. In marriage, it is tempting to look to one’s spouse to meet all one’s needs. But those who live alone, without the companionship and rigor of marriage and sex, are offered an opportunity to realize that it is God who sustains them.”

“Too often, the church seems to suggest that sexual sin cannot be forgiven. Martin has every reason to wonder if he should bother with sexual discipline. We hear from the pulpit and read in the pages of magazines and books that “sexual sin doesn’t ever go away totally. They live on, like ghosts, in all future relationships, and can do real damage there.” We learn that premarital sex “can scar a marriage for a lifetime.” We read that if we have premarital sex, then, come our wedding day, the specters of the other men or women we slept with will hover around our betrothed.” This language of scars and ghosts that sexual sin is wholly different from any other sort of sin. That its consequences last forever. That somehow, Jesus’ saving work on the cross does not cover this. All of those suggestions, of course, are patently false.”

I especially identify with the last one. I think any kid that has gone to youth group or read a book on sex or done that experiment where you chew up Doritos and spit it into water and mix the water with other kids’ cups have a distorted view on sexual sin. Winner talks about the last experiment in her book and it is quite comical.
This is not to say that you should go out and have sex. Read the book and find out what Winner has to say : ).

Today I was driving home from Greenville and the sun was shining, there were white puffy clouds in the sky, and everything was green. My radio landed on a hit country station (where I may or may not have known all of the lyrics) and for a brief moment in hillsboro I was behind a normal looking guy on a harley (not the harley type) with his daughter riding behind him on the bike. She was probably eight, had a harley do-rag and pink crocks. It made my heart smile.

Until July Then...

I'm pretty sure that Snape is still on Dumbledore's side. But maybe this is because throughout all of these books I have lived vicariously through Harry and, thus, have this unyielding assumption that whatever Dumbledore says is the truth. Even when Snape performed the Avada Kedavra I was shaking my head no, as in 'nope, not happening,' as in 'this is not correct.' My heart feels as thought he is still on the right side. I know Dumbledore's made mistakes, but not of epic proportions.
Speaking of mistakes, after I finished the sixth book and felt a little sad as I closed it, I went into Ryan's room to talk about what just happened. I exclaimed that Dumbledore was dead and we talked about what we thought was going to happen in book number seven. I told him that the only thing that could happen is that Voldemort will be blown into smitherines by Harry, the sun will rise on the new day symbolically dawning in the wizarding world, and Harry will be basking in it's sunlight as he kisses Ginny Weasley. Ryan, of course, always being the fan of taking the oposing side, shrugged his shoulders and says, "Harry's going to end up with Hermione."

Ok, he could have said, "Harry's going to die."

But no.

He said that Harry is going to end up with Hermione. He followed that by stating that Rowling wants us to think all along that this is not possible, but then, oh so carefully will she spin this yarn in front of our eyes and Harry and Hermione will be kissing at the end. I pointed out that Rowling hints at things. Ryan replies with, "But has she hinted about it?"

Nope. Point blank. It's Ginny Weasley. End of story. At least in my opinion. : )

But all of this is an interesting look into stereotyping people in relationships. Even though Ryan weirdly wants Harry and Hermione together, which I think is a personal preference for heroic man and smart girl to end up together (which I think is really Ryan's hope that he himself ends up with smart girl, even though he keeps falling for the equivelents of Cho and Lavender Brown, but that's just my opinion as well)....the other way around is so much more understandable. Ron and Hermione. Smart girl with jock type guy. It's classic. It seems weird that they like each other, but then you understand why. They both like the differences. They find each other attractive. Harry and Hermione have too much a chance of being good friends because they rely on each other so much. Ron and Hermione would rather be crossed in love, fighting, and wondering what the other is doing because they are giving attention to and getting attention from the other person.
I've seen it in my own life. I'm a big jock fan. Which is my attempt at admitting, with a sigh, that yes, I am Hermione. It is resolved. When I saw the whole Hermione Ron thing it was clear. And then when she said the sorting hat was going to put her in Ravenclaw, she's a prefect, she spends too much time in the library and homework is too easy for her....plus let me just mention that when she took McLaggen to Slughorn's Christmas party to make Ron jealous, I laughed for about five minutes. True brains being used in the wrong way. I'm pretty sure we would have a lot of the same strengths...including strategic and focus haha.

Ok, enough fan fiction like things....I love the idea of the Horcruxes. So good, J.K., so good. It makes so much sense that Voldemort would have to split his soul up. And I love that Harry is fighting him by getting to know the human side of him through all of the memories that Dumbledore provided.
Other than that I was completely taken back to eighth grade/freshmen year of high school when Rowling kept describing the 'animal in Harry's stomach' as the thing that was happy or frustrated when he saw or thought about Ginny in general. So great.
I also liked Dumbledore's talk with Harry about still making his own decisions even though the prophecy had been given.
I also think that Malfoy is redeemable.

But my sentences are getting short, and with that I will leave you for the evening.
Good night.

"That's the Stressful One." -Anna

The wizard war has officially hit the fan. Spells and people flying everywhere. Poor Harry realizing he will never lead a normal life as he looks around at his fellow students enjoying the last few years of their childhood.
Aspects I Love About Book Five:
-Harry seeing his arrogant father and outspoken mother in Snape's memory. Isn't it just great that Harry's father grew up into the great man that he was....and that Lily fell in love with him. Lily Evans....L.E. I love it.
-Harry's temper. Rowling did a great job conveying both the height and the depth of Harry's failing efforts to deal with anything and everything that had and was going on at the present time. Now that he knows about the prophecy, it'll be his decision whether or not he wants to grow up, just like his dad.
-Hermione's ability to put Harry in his place. She successfully rebukes Harry when he is upset and taking it out on them, never letting him get away with the satisfaction of thinking he made them feel as awful as he does. She also is able to completely remedy the situation (when the situation included him feeling left out in the Order of the Phoenix even though he had fought Voldemort three times now) by making him the leader of the Defense Against the Dark Arts group. You go, Hermione.
-Ron believing in himself. After his struggling quidditch career, he finally told himself during the last match that he could do it....and he did. Gryffindor won. Now he has a chance to grow up as he has overcome the greatest obstacle in his path at the moment, and thus become a better best friend to Harry.
-Rowling's development of Ginny. We have begun to see the sassiness that is Ginny Weasley, and I quite like it. It's easy to see how Harry is going to start to like her with that attitude. Stubborn, brave, and sassy....plus red hair and a way with boys. She's going to be a hot commodity in book six. And I know this reader is excited to see Harry, looking exactly like his father, interested in a girl that resembles his mother. : )
-The scene for the battle against the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix took place in the Ministry of Magic. So symbolic.
-Rowling using aspects of this magical world that we've taken for granted, such as the portraits. Did we know they could travel to other portraits of themselves? Nope, but the portraits hanging in the Headmaster's Office proved quite useful. I'm excited to see what Rowling uses in book six and seven. Does the two way mirror come back into play that Sirius gave to Harry? Do we ever find out what exactly some of those things were in the Department of Mysteries? She's so good.

There are so many other things, such as the emphasis on the strength of the mind, the back story about Snape (will Harry ever remedy that? can he?), and the very real stress I felt during the O.W.L. examinations that I could talk about it. But it all ends in the fact that I aspire to be like J.K. Rowling when I tell stories.

Speaking of that, besides being sure that this summer is supposed to be for rest and for spending a lot of time in prayer for next year, I might make it a goal to really dive head first into this idea that I think would make a really good book: The Dark Ferret Society. I've never been this serious about actually finishing something.
I've realized that not only do my five strengths revolve around people, but they revolve around story telling as well.
Restorative-Present and problem and show how it's fixed. Translation: Create a plot line and resolve it.
Intellection-Think about a lot of stuff. Translation: Spend time thinking about the world I'm creating-a Midwesterner viewing a South Western world. : ) The topic of conversation for the last few years with my friends.
Input-Gather information. That's what writing is all about.
Empathy-Look at something from another's point of view. Translation: Put myself in the place of the characters and write from their standpoints.
Connectedness-See that everything has a connection to something else. Translation: The beginning of stories are the most important; they show you what information to use to interpret the rest of the book and usually what to expect at the ending. It all connects.

I'll let you know how it goes.
I guess I've never given it a shot because I've been afraid of failure. What if you suck at something that you've dreamt about doing since you were four?
It's high time to write and learn to be at a place where I can constructively praise and criticize my own writing. And to be brave enough to let other people actually read it. From start to finish read it.
To see if fiction writing is an avenue I can glorify God in : ). Translation: If I can reign these rampant thoughts shooting through my mind and my crazy imagination to a point where I can actually communicate something.
Pray for me. Seriously. What if I've been trying to be something I'm not all this time when thinking about future careers. What if it's just about being who I am? Seems simple.

I'm thinking about you all when serving God and being ourselves comes into play. I've been thinking it's one in the same.

Moving Into Uncharted Territory In Both the Literary and the Real Worlds

I'm left with a feeling of foreboding as I finished the Goblet of Fire, as I'm sure is normal. Voldemort is back. Nothing returns to happiness at the end. Even Dumbledore is talking about taking sides.
As the book became darker and darker, I was happy to get to my favorite part: Harry and Voldemort's faceoff in the graveyard (towards the end, I know-iconically me). As it became more and more apparent that Harry was going to die, I felt the soundtrack from the Return of the King pop into my head-that first french horn that sounds out as the dawn breaks on the battleground of Ministerith: the Roherim has arrived. It wasn't the end in either stories; Harry fought back and was again visited by his past, this time his father and mother.
That marks the last Harry Potter book I have actually read. The next one waits for me on my brother's shelf after I finish this blog.

I applied at Wal Mart yesterday. That's right, I sat at a computer screen for thirty minutes in front of everyone checking out and filled out an application to stock shelves. Maybe I'll hear from them, maybe I won't. At this point it's important for me to enjoy my summer, which I'm glad for. I'm glad that it's important for me to sit at my house, be around my family, read as I listen to the music coming from my brother's room, and love that we have the windows open because it gets down to 70 at night which is neither cold nor hot. It's not even technically summer yet, but I have no idea what I'm doing for nine weeks. Maybe I'll actually have a summer vacation-what a concept. This is weird for me because there has never been a time where I haven't worked over the summer....since I was thirteen.
I might go out to California and visit Corrie for an extended weekend. The beach sounds amazing at this point.
Oh, one more thing about Harry Potter-probably the only book that makes me laugh out loud at the awkwardness between members of the opposite sex. I love that J.K. Rowling lets Harry, Ron, and Hermione awkwardly be fifteen.....hahaha love is in the air. And I love that Ron and Hermione have this love/hate relationship that is so archetypal that even the Harry Potter books couldn't escape the love pattern. But I guess that's what makes them great, because we expect that, right? : ) I'll see if J.K. is actually hinting at what I think she is.

I love and miss all of you who are reading this.
: )

The Prisoner of Azkaban is Fini

Done with number three onto number four....
My favorite moments come at the end of the books. For example, I love that Harry was able to conjure a patronus that was his dad, because, as Dumbledore puts it, "You've found your dad inside of you." Not to mention the fact that Harry looks exactly like his dad and he is a great friend and has great friends like his dad and Sirius says that he truly is his father's son.
Man, why don't you just rip my heart out there? I wanted to cry....emphasis on wanted to.
I also love that, even though this is a series of books, Rowling wraps up each individual book quite well. I love that Ron gets the little owl at the end sent by Sirius, described by Harry as a 'very furry snitch.' : ) Sirius gives permission for Harry to go to Hogsmeade, shows himself as a great guy by saying he was sorry for scaring Harry at the very beginning of the book, and says that he wants Harry to view the Firebolt as 13 birthdays worth of gifts from his godfather-all in one letter. A nice little denoument, if you ask me. How does she do it? : )
Oh, and just in case anyone was wondering, books really are better than movies, specifically shown in this book. I've seen the movie for this book once and it really doesn't do it justice at all.

Two words: The Office
Three words: Jim and Pam
"Ok, it's a date."
"I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
!!!

"Shannon, what am I going to do with my summer?" -Emily
"Whatever you want!" -Shannon

Thanks, Shan.

The Chamber of Secrets is Closed Again

Can I just say that I love when Harry pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the sorting hat? I’m pretty sure I’ve cheered both times I’ve read it. I also love that Harry’s second year of school sucked. That sounds pretty harsh, but my sophomore year at Greenville was really hard, but I learned a lot.
That year has come up a lot lately in my mind, and for good reason. I’ve been at Senior Staff training these last couple of days at GC. First of all, let me just say that I feel like I fit in so well with the Senior Staff-talk about finding your niche. I love being around all of those people. It’s kind of like what my friend Anna talks about (I know I mention her a lot, but I really like what she has to say) concerning mentors: it’s not someone that you go to for advice once a week, but someone that you live around and gain knowledge from being in their presence all of the time. That’s the way I feel with the Senior Staff, especially Kelcey, Joy, and Hadessa. Besides counting every bit of furniture on campus and talking about next year, the staff did things like go out to eat at P.F. Changs in St. Louis (oh my goodness, so good), go to Ted Drew’s together, eat breakfast together, and generally have a really fun time. This time with the staff was like food for my soul (to be completely cheesy, but also completely honest). We were riding back from St. Louis last night and I realized that I was excited for walkabout because it’s become part of my existence. This will be my third year and I’m excited to go back and add to the experiences that I’ve had before. (Hopefully it will be better than last year, but like I said, second years suck, at least for me).
I didn’t get the camp job that I was looking forward to. As I was listening to the lady explain that the selection process was hard and that they were looking for people with more experience with children, I felt peace. It’s fine that I’m not doing it. I just don’t know what I’m doing with my summer right now, which lead me to realize that everyone around me doesn’t know some important aspect of their summer: Shannon doesn’t have an internship/job, Anna doesn’t have a place to live in Nashville, Corrie doesn’t know what the next step is, Ryan doesn’t have a summer job, Hadessa doesn’t know what the next step in her life is. I am overwhelmed with empathy on this subject despite the varying degrees of our circumstances. We all seem to be kind of waiting and thinking that everything will work out.
This led me to my journal and my mom. I journaled all of my feelings and prayed, and then I talked to my mom. I cried when I hugged her. I love that I have this support system around me-at home and at school. I feel so loved. When I went to look up the scripture I was supposed to read for today through these little books Shannon gave me (I started reading the one on guidance yesterday haha) it started off with a quote from C.S. Lewis: “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” He still went because it was ‘the will of the Lord.’ I read in Acts 20 about Paul being called to Jerusalem even though he and everyone else around him was pretty sure that he was going to die, and they were warning him not to go-even claiming that it was ‘through the Spirit’ that he was not supposed to go. To quote the Fray “sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same.”
The book asked me to reflect on a time that God prepared me for something hard. I thought about Shannon singing me to sleep when I cried really hard for a week and Joy giving me guidance at the hardest time of my life and God always being faithful as I cried and journaled at the same time to strengthen me and give me peace. These were concrete examples that I could feel at one of the hardest times of my life through the Holy Spirit Himself and through the people closest to me. This was all during my sophomore year at GC.
So Harry Potter, I raise my glass to you and drink to your perseverance. You have not failed to do the right thing.