Hedged In

This sentence from the end of the Winner book I just read is haunting me. She was talking about a man struggling with premarital sex and the fact that he thought he was ‘damaged goods’ because he kept struggling with it. Winner put a new paradigm around his struggle and said that he was just trying to be a faithful Christian; in other words: don’t give up because you aren’t perfect in an area, keep struggling to find balance even though you’re struggling with something negative—as most struggles are.

I’ve become okay with certain things that I struggle with instead of being the Restorative freak that I am and jumping on any chance to reconstruct an area of my life. This is why, when I was journaling the other day with sleep in my eyes and my feet getting cold from being out of the blankets on my bed, it was so important when this thought entered my head-I started thinking about the book of Hosea and how God ‘hedged in’ the woman Israel and told her that He would renew her and that the Valley of Achor (trouble) would become the Door of Hope. (This is why I want to be faithful to scripture-so God can bring it to my memory because there actually IS a memory.)
Certain thought processes, like this one, mean God. I just know that they are. And this certain one meant everything from renewal to it being okay that I was just in my house for the summer reading and journaling and praying because God was ‘hedging me in.’ He has me where He wants me and I can trust that it’s good.

Reading Winner also makes me want to run back to Greenville in hopes of lots of syllabi that tell me to buy wonderful books concerning theology and religion, much akin to the book lists received with the Hogwarts end of summer letter. I remember when I found my place at Greenville by becoming an English major. I would jog up the stairs of Hogue hall, turn right on the second floor and immediately see the Platform 9 and ¾ sign above Dr. Martin’s door on the left side of the hall. I knew I was in the right place. Old books sitting out in boxes because the book cases inside of the offices simply could not hold anymore books and professors just resorted to giving them away to the avid readers. I remember sitting in classes with people that loved books-people who, just like me, read the most in their high school classes and dreamed of being English teachers just like the ones they had that inspired them so much.
As much as I loved fitting so well in my English major for two years, I never dreamed I would find my home on the right side of the hall of second Hogue: the Religion department. Pretty much the English department with a specific focus. I can’t wait to learn about the evolution of worship with Brian Hartley, or the History of Judaism with Christina Smerick. These people are the combination of the loves of reading, researching, seeking answers and coming to conclusions: the successful marriage between English and Religion, the essence of Emily Bishop.
If Lauren F. Winner was a professor at Greenville, her office would be on the second floor. Whether it would be on the left or right side would be a matter of opinion. Her talent for writing would place her on the left, her subject matter would place her on the right.

I want to be her.

Winner also has the gift of showing how God has moved in her life without actually saying that He has. For me, I know that I found God when I get up for class at ten thirty in the morning and listened to Hartley talk about the Pauline Epistles. I found God when Smerick was talking about faith and Kierkegaard. And what was great about this was that it was a process. Now I can look back and see what it all meant at the time and what it means for now.

So it’s okay, that right at this moment, I have no idea about a lot of stuff: this summer, next year as an SRC (when my thought process just leads to-holy mother, what am I getting myself into?), AFTER COLLEGE (gasp). Because God’s more of a big picture, process, journey type omniscient being. And He’s always faithful to be found when I open those religion books, or my journal, or when I talk to any of my close friends.

Faithful is a good word for Him.