Hedged In: The Beginning of Renewal

I am undone. Like twine being untwisted string by string.

The reason I’m supposed to be home: a lot of undoing for stuff that happened this past school year. Why do I feel like I’m on holiday at my house? Why am I just spending hours upon hours journaling, reading, praying? At the beginning of the summer I was determined to figure out what I was supposed to do. Now I feel like I’m just swept up in what is supposed to be rest and relaxation.
Why did I feel, all semester, that I would put my effort into things and it would feel as if I was getting nowhere? I’m coming back to joy. I’ve tried happiness for a long time, but it never lasts.

I’m seeking forgiveness in a lot of areas.

I’m seeing that God’s timing really does exist. This hedging in process shows that He really does care.

Some of the undoing (people that I need forgiveness from, ways that I need to say I’m sorry) flows freely from my heart because it just happened this semester: ways that I was stubborn, hurtful words, not being there for certain people, not loving the people who loved me. Other parts of the undoing come from a long time ago—areas that I don’t want to look at, areas that I just want to forget.

What’s exciting is that I know, after being undone, that God will rebuild me—especially to be an SRC in the fall.

Thank You, Lord, for Your powerful forgiveness.