I've been at home for the last couple of days and I have managed to not think about school until today.
It's probably been one of the best breaks that I've been at home for. I started to read Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner and, as I have been taking it in over the last couple of days, it has become one of my favorite books.
Let me just explain the criteria, no, the high standards that I have for books. This may sound a little nerdy, so you can just skip down to the next paragraph if you can't handle it. A book needs to be objective about life, no matter what it talks about. This allows for it to be specific and general all at the same time, while still communicating an overarching point. A concrere example: In Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner talks about her journey from Judaism to Orthodox Judaism to Christianity. It is absolutely wonderful because not only does she talk about her religious background and theological angst, but she also weaves in the aspects of her life that directly affect her completely. Her main point, aside from finding God in all things, is the marriage between her life of Judaism and her new life of Christianity.
Here are a few quotes:
"Pastor Mike," I said, "I think I am beginning to believe in Jesus."
Pastor Mike sipped his cider in silence. Finally he said, "You know, Lauren, you can't just divorce Judaism."
When I visited his family, Benjamin bunked down in a younger brother's bedroom, and I slept in his room. He always snuck in late at night and we would lie in bed kissing. Maybe kissing him, in that Washington town house with brothers and parents sleeping down the hall should have felt thrilling, or dangerous. I suppose his parents could have walked in on us at any moment, and freaked out, ordered Benjamin back to his brother's room and me back to Charlotesville. But it didn't feel thriling or illicit or rebelious; it felt domestic. I had kissed boys before, kisses grabbed in Charlottesville when someone's parents were out for the evening, but no one other than my mother ever saw me in a Lanz flannel night gown.
I am a mean and petty person, and a terrible Christian to boot, and I spend all weekend hoping that Steven and his bride will be miserable, that his briliant dissertation will turn to straw, that his roof will leak and his car will die and he'll be stuck in a loveless marraige in that god-forsaken town in Arkansas for the rest of his natural life. I hope, too, that she is not a Christian, that she'll lead him down a path of sin and restlessness, away from church and straight toward debauchery. I hope he forgets to baptize the baby all my friends imagine she's carrying.
These are just a few from Anna's copy of the book. I'm sure that there will be more to come when I get my own copy in which I will write in the margins and underline my favorite quotes. I'm about seventy five percent through the book and I look forward to the next time that I pick it up and am able to read myself into the stories and completely relate in the weirdest way to all of Lauren Winner's theological struggles.
More to come on this next issue, but I feel like there has been a certain person behind all of the male characters that I have ever described, ever put inside of a setting, ever written to be romantically interested with a girl. And I saw him this weekend.
April 9, 2007
April 3, 2007
the college life
last night I felt like I was in college for the first time in a long time.
Corrie and I hung out on her roof and ate ice cream. We talked for a glorious amount of time, yelled at people from the roof, ate medium size blizzards, and generally caught up on life while the night breeze blew by us.
I haven't had that glorious of a night in a long time.
Yes, that's right:
Glorious.
I need to make more time for stuff like that. Especially because the weather is so nice now.
And let's be honest-my time at Greenville College is almost down to one year.
It's nice to think about these things as I'll be locked away finishing my Exegesis today. It should be good.
You should think of me in the library, chains on the door of my study room as the storm rages outside. The lights may flicker a time or two...inevitably there will be wind blowing through the library.
Then suddenly, the dragon, the haunted house, the pirates, and the pagemaster that are painted on the ceiling will ooze off and I will have to go on an adventure as only written by the books in the library. Good thing the library has clearly marked Exits.
Like I said, it should be good.
Oh, by the way, what would you do if you met yourself?
And what if she was you two years ago?
It would be interesting communicating because 19-year-old Emily would have no idea what 21-year-old Emily was trying to tell her about life experiences and how they have shaped her. She could only imagine.
I wonder what 23-year-old Emily would say to me now?
Corrie and I hung out on her roof and ate ice cream. We talked for a glorious amount of time, yelled at people from the roof, ate medium size blizzards, and generally caught up on life while the night breeze blew by us.
I haven't had that glorious of a night in a long time.
Yes, that's right:
Glorious.
I need to make more time for stuff like that. Especially because the weather is so nice now.
And let's be honest-my time at Greenville College is almost down to one year.
It's nice to think about these things as I'll be locked away finishing my Exegesis today. It should be good.
You should think of me in the library, chains on the door of my study room as the storm rages outside. The lights may flicker a time or two...inevitably there will be wind blowing through the library.
Then suddenly, the dragon, the haunted house, the pirates, and the pagemaster that are painted on the ceiling will ooze off and I will have to go on an adventure as only written by the books in the library. Good thing the library has clearly marked Exits.
Like I said, it should be good.
Oh, by the way, what would you do if you met yourself?
And what if she was you two years ago?
It would be interesting communicating because 19-year-old Emily would have no idea what 21-year-old Emily was trying to tell her about life experiences and how they have shaped her. She could only imagine.
I wonder what 23-year-old Emily would say to me now?
March 30, 2007
In response to Corrie's Blog...
in respone to Corrie's blog (which you can read by clicking on the link to the right) I have decided that a little more time needs to be spent on the controversial topic of Junior/Senior. More speicifcally, the topic of a guy and a girl going together even if they aren't romantically attached.
I don't know about you, but over my (highschool) years I definitely kept it to myself that I wanted specific guys to ask me to dances. And when I say guys, I mean that that number would fluxuate between 1 and 2. I would hope beyond hope that somehow this guy would get it inside of his head to ask me and, of course, we would have a great time together.
In my early years, I had no problem with asking guys. I was literally fearless. This eventually caught up to me, though, and the rejection that I felt let me know loud and clear that I wouldn't step out again in that area because it just wasn't worth it. Hence, I'm making my first trip to Wrigley field on the infamous April 14th occassion this year.
But let's forget about now.....I'm pretty sure that my hope endurance started in the eighth grade, because something that I actually hope for happened.
Picture this: student council dance, LMS Multi-Purpose Room, low lights, loud music, cheap cookies and generic soda. I liked this guy for 3 years-no kidding, 3 years! I don't know how I was still hopeful after that. I remember that it was the last dance of the year before we made the magical journey into highschool. I also remember that I was standing within my group of friends, drinking soda, and looking at this scrawny eighth grader that was standing in his group of friends twenty feet away, drinking soda, and looking at me.
This was the game we played in middle school-we could flirt with each other, but it didn't really mean anything because no one was old enough to do anything about it. I kept looking up and he was looking at me.
Then it happened.
The next time that I looked up, this kid was halfway across the floor, headed straight for me! I looked down again quickly and sipped my soda. Suddenly, I saw a pair of shoes standing right in front of me. I looked up.
"Emily, do you want to dance?"
Thus, even though my interest in the scrawny eighth grader (who eventually became a lanky high schooler) faded, my hope for guys acting exactly the way that I thought they would inside my head was fueled for the next three years at least. I acted out on this belief; I asked guys to dances only expecting them to say yes. After 3 rejections I was done. I decided that I would be fine with just going with my friends.
Somewhere within that time, I decided that I was okay on my own. It wasn't just all my doing; I found my niche in the area of leadership and found my confidence in an area that didn't hurt me when I asserted it.
During a discussion that was led with Dr. Hartley, we were asked the question: Do you feel bound by any stereotypes within our society? I immediately raised my hand and said that I felt bound by a stereotype in the Christian subculture: women being in leadership positions. This eventually led to the fact that guys tend not to ask out girls that are super confident. Also, the guys in the discussion elaborated on the fact that most guys think that quiet girls want to be pursued and that confident girls do not. To that I promptly replied, "Well, I sure hope that I can still be pursued!"
Dr. Hartley, in response, said: "My wife was a spiritual leader on campus. If someone would have said spiritual and Brian Hartley in the same sentence, they would have laughed. My wife helped me in so many areas. I think that the women who are confident and who are in leadership are some of the most attractive women on campus."
This is my beef with the whole dating situation in general.
But let's be honest-this is just Junior Senior!
Should guys have to know what is going on inside of Corrie's head? No.
Should they be afraid to ask her to go? No!
I really think that Corrie should go with a date. I also think that the first guy that asks her should not have been the only one that was thinking about asking her. Because let's be honest, out of all the guys that actually want to go to Junior Senior, they have to think about fun people to go with.
Corrie is one of the most fun people that I know.
Corrie-I'm glad that you're still holding out. We're in the same place, and you give me hope.
I don't know about you, but over my (highschool) years I definitely kept it to myself that I wanted specific guys to ask me to dances. And when I say guys, I mean that that number would fluxuate between 1 and 2. I would hope beyond hope that somehow this guy would get it inside of his head to ask me and, of course, we would have a great time together.
In my early years, I had no problem with asking guys. I was literally fearless. This eventually caught up to me, though, and the rejection that I felt let me know loud and clear that I wouldn't step out again in that area because it just wasn't worth it. Hence, I'm making my first trip to Wrigley field on the infamous April 14th occassion this year.
But let's forget about now.....I'm pretty sure that my hope endurance started in the eighth grade, because something that I actually hope for happened.
Picture this: student council dance, LMS Multi-Purpose Room, low lights, loud music, cheap cookies and generic soda. I liked this guy for 3 years-no kidding, 3 years! I don't know how I was still hopeful after that. I remember that it was the last dance of the year before we made the magical journey into highschool. I also remember that I was standing within my group of friends, drinking soda, and looking at this scrawny eighth grader that was standing in his group of friends twenty feet away, drinking soda, and looking at me.
This was the game we played in middle school-we could flirt with each other, but it didn't really mean anything because no one was old enough to do anything about it. I kept looking up and he was looking at me.
Then it happened.
The next time that I looked up, this kid was halfway across the floor, headed straight for me! I looked down again quickly and sipped my soda. Suddenly, I saw a pair of shoes standing right in front of me. I looked up.
"Emily, do you want to dance?"
Thus, even though my interest in the scrawny eighth grader (who eventually became a lanky high schooler) faded, my hope for guys acting exactly the way that I thought they would inside my head was fueled for the next three years at least. I acted out on this belief; I asked guys to dances only expecting them to say yes. After 3 rejections I was done. I decided that I would be fine with just going with my friends.
Somewhere within that time, I decided that I was okay on my own. It wasn't just all my doing; I found my niche in the area of leadership and found my confidence in an area that didn't hurt me when I asserted it.
During a discussion that was led with Dr. Hartley, we were asked the question: Do you feel bound by any stereotypes within our society? I immediately raised my hand and said that I felt bound by a stereotype in the Christian subculture: women being in leadership positions. This eventually led to the fact that guys tend not to ask out girls that are super confident. Also, the guys in the discussion elaborated on the fact that most guys think that quiet girls want to be pursued and that confident girls do not. To that I promptly replied, "Well, I sure hope that I can still be pursued!"
Dr. Hartley, in response, said: "My wife was a spiritual leader on campus. If someone would have said spiritual and Brian Hartley in the same sentence, they would have laughed. My wife helped me in so many areas. I think that the women who are confident and who are in leadership are some of the most attractive women on campus."
This is my beef with the whole dating situation in general.
But let's be honest-this is just Junior Senior!
Should guys have to know what is going on inside of Corrie's head? No.
Should they be afraid to ask her to go? No!
I really think that Corrie should go with a date. I also think that the first guy that asks her should not have been the only one that was thinking about asking her. Because let's be honest, out of all the guys that actually want to go to Junior Senior, they have to think about fun people to go with.
Corrie is one of the most fun people that I know.
Corrie-I'm glad that you're still holding out. We're in the same place, and you give me hope.
March 25, 2007
another interim existence
45 days of an interim existence part 2:
I would set up shop in a South American city and get involved in whatever local ministry was there: tutoring kids in English, bathing babies, playing with the orphans. I would get used to dust and being dirty (this may just be a stereotype, but I'm thinking that I would be in a poor area.) I would admire the adobe and bright colors. I would take pictures of all the dark haired children. I would wear long shorts and sandals....a lot.
My skin my get used to tanning after this alternate existence.
A blond haired, blue eyed, tan girl?
Maybe not.
Part 3:
I would travel to every Major Leage Baseball Stadium. My dad was actually planning on doing this with our family. It is the passion of my current room mate. In order for me to do it, I would need another fantasy magazine (Baseball Illustrated, of course) that would fund my excursion as I took pictures of the different parks and took in the ambience. I would write about the different stadiums and what it was like to experience them all at once, especially because people only attend one their entire life. Maybe my articles would appear journal style in fantasy Baseball Illustrated.
I would make it a point to talk to the people I sat next to. Maybe I would sit in the bleachers each game. Or maybe I would make it a point to sit at different vantage points at every stadium. I would notice things like the Flag Lady and the Sign Lady at Chase Field. I would buy a hot dog at every game. I would buy a piece of baseball paraphanelia specific to the home team at every game.
I'd truly be following all baseball players throughout their season. I would watch Sports Center every night because I would almost be a part of their world.
I would be living America's favorite past time.
Just some more thoughts on my interim existences.
They still all include people.
Next question: Can I find a job to support this lifestyle? : )
I would set up shop in a South American city and get involved in whatever local ministry was there: tutoring kids in English, bathing babies, playing with the orphans. I would get used to dust and being dirty (this may just be a stereotype, but I'm thinking that I would be in a poor area.) I would admire the adobe and bright colors. I would take pictures of all the dark haired children. I would wear long shorts and sandals....a lot.
My skin my get used to tanning after this alternate existence.
A blond haired, blue eyed, tan girl?
Maybe not.
Part 3:
I would travel to every Major Leage Baseball Stadium. My dad was actually planning on doing this with our family. It is the passion of my current room mate. In order for me to do it, I would need another fantasy magazine (Baseball Illustrated, of course) that would fund my excursion as I took pictures of the different parks and took in the ambience. I would write about the different stadiums and what it was like to experience them all at once, especially because people only attend one their entire life. Maybe my articles would appear journal style in fantasy Baseball Illustrated.
I would make it a point to talk to the people I sat next to. Maybe I would sit in the bleachers each game. Or maybe I would make it a point to sit at different vantage points at every stadium. I would notice things like the Flag Lady and the Sign Lady at Chase Field. I would buy a hot dog at every game. I would buy a piece of baseball paraphanelia specific to the home team at every game.
I'd truly be following all baseball players throughout their season. I would watch Sports Center every night because I would almost be a part of their world.
I would be living America's favorite past time.
Just some more thoughts on my interim existences.
They still all include people.
Next question: Can I find a job to support this lifestyle? : )
March 24, 2007
welcome to spring
Do you ever wish that you had an interim existence?
I'm reading this book right now called Whirligig. I'm pretty sure that I read it when I was in middle school, but basically it is about this 17 year old who has to go to the four corners of the US to build and set up whirligigs in memory of the teenager that he killed when he was driving drunk. The twist comes when readers find out that he was actually trying to kill himself when he was driving and the whirligig pennance act becomes life changing for him. The mother of the girl he killed bought him a 45 day bus pass to take him all across the country.
What would you do if you had a 45 day bus pass?
You would have an interim existence.
If I had an interim existence I would buy a hardback book with blank pages. Then I would go to the internet and print out as many pictures of bed and breakfasts that I could find from the Mississippi to the East. Then I would go. I would take pictures and write for magazines (Bed and Breakfast Weekly, most likely) and I would tour the places that I ended up. Not just any town can have a bed and breakfast. Bed and breakfast towns have kids that ride their bikes to the ice cream shop and people that walk their dogs after dinner because it's still warm outside. I'd do things like visit the local deli and rate the dill pickle that came with the roast beef sandwhich. I'd rate the softness of the pillow on my bed. And each room-oh, the description of each beautiful and unique room! Just to think of the sunshine that would bounce off of the walls topped with crowne molding.
This would go on for a month.
Then I would have to settle down.
You know, take a vacation from my vacation.
It takes a lot out of you-waking up to a relaxing morning, not doing anything until 3, strolling, putting on party dresses to attend the local hub-ub whatever.
But then, after all of that-living my interim existence, I would need to start phasing back into existence.
I would have to set up shop somewhere and invest.
So I'm thinking that I would spend my last 15 days on the East Coast: Bed and Breakfast on the Rocky Shore of some area where there wasn't a lot of people but a town up the road. Somewhere that was a little bit less beautiful then my stay at Prince Edward Island. I would make my room home for the next two weeks. I would walk down to the shore every night and write about what was going on with me. I would get to know the name of the baker in the bakery. I would play scrabble with the people in the living room of the house. I would go sailing with the cute man that (inevitably) lived two houses down the shore.
Even in my interim existence I would still need people. I would still need to be connected.
Sound good?
Maybe I'll do it someday.
The Bed and Breakfast Excursion.
I'm reading this book right now called Whirligig. I'm pretty sure that I read it when I was in middle school, but basically it is about this 17 year old who has to go to the four corners of the US to build and set up whirligigs in memory of the teenager that he killed when he was driving drunk. The twist comes when readers find out that he was actually trying to kill himself when he was driving and the whirligig pennance act becomes life changing for him. The mother of the girl he killed bought him a 45 day bus pass to take him all across the country.
What would you do if you had a 45 day bus pass?
You would have an interim existence.
If I had an interim existence I would buy a hardback book with blank pages. Then I would go to the internet and print out as many pictures of bed and breakfasts that I could find from the Mississippi to the East. Then I would go. I would take pictures and write for magazines (Bed and Breakfast Weekly, most likely) and I would tour the places that I ended up. Not just any town can have a bed and breakfast. Bed and breakfast towns have kids that ride their bikes to the ice cream shop and people that walk their dogs after dinner because it's still warm outside. I'd do things like visit the local deli and rate the dill pickle that came with the roast beef sandwhich. I'd rate the softness of the pillow on my bed. And each room-oh, the description of each beautiful and unique room! Just to think of the sunshine that would bounce off of the walls topped with crowne molding.
This would go on for a month.
Then I would have to settle down.
You know, take a vacation from my vacation.
It takes a lot out of you-waking up to a relaxing morning, not doing anything until 3, strolling, putting on party dresses to attend the local hub-ub whatever.
But then, after all of that-living my interim existence, I would need to start phasing back into existence.
I would have to set up shop somewhere and invest.
So I'm thinking that I would spend my last 15 days on the East Coast: Bed and Breakfast on the Rocky Shore of some area where there wasn't a lot of people but a town up the road. Somewhere that was a little bit less beautiful then my stay at Prince Edward Island. I would make my room home for the next two weeks. I would walk down to the shore every night and write about what was going on with me. I would get to know the name of the baker in the bakery. I would play scrabble with the people in the living room of the house. I would go sailing with the cute man that (inevitably) lived two houses down the shore.
Even in my interim existence I would still need people. I would still need to be connected.
Sound good?
Maybe I'll do it someday.
The Bed and Breakfast Excursion.
January 21, 2007
it would happen this way
Shannon and I are going to Tuscon, AZ for spring break. We were booking flights tonight and she found one for 130 dollars-terrific, right?
So she booked one for herself and then, amazingly, the only ones available after that were 200 dollars! As you can imagine, I was not thrilled, and laughed until she said that I could fly out the next morning for the same price.....then I laughed harder.
So in the name of saving money, I am taking Shannon to the airport, driving back, and driving myself to the airport the next morning.
But in light of that 'boo-hoo' I feel I need to counter it with some happy-ness.
(As in 'you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun')
-As of right now, you can hardly see the grass outside because the weathermen were actually right-it's snowing!
-I not only got to hang out with Anna tonight
Anna = the most empathetic person that I know (revert to last blog for understanding)
But I also got to play Super Mario world with her-and she pretty much knows everything about the game which made me feel like I was playing with my brother
-We are going to watch spring training games in AZ-Cubs and Diamondbacks are the ones that we already have tickets for.
Needless to say, I am ready to be wearing a baseball hat, cheering for my best friend's favorite baseball team, and being in a state that actually knows what guacamole is.
Baseball, Ray, Baseball!
Love,
Emily
So she booked one for herself and then, amazingly, the only ones available after that were 200 dollars! As you can imagine, I was not thrilled, and laughed until she said that I could fly out the next morning for the same price.....then I laughed harder.
So in the name of saving money, I am taking Shannon to the airport, driving back, and driving myself to the airport the next morning.
But in light of that 'boo-hoo' I feel I need to counter it with some happy-ness.
(As in 'you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun')
-As of right now, you can hardly see the grass outside because the weathermen were actually right-it's snowing!
-I not only got to hang out with Anna tonight
Anna = the most empathetic person that I know (revert to last blog for understanding)
But I also got to play Super Mario world with her-and she pretty much knows everything about the game which made me feel like I was playing with my brother
-We are going to watch spring training games in AZ-Cubs and Diamondbacks are the ones that we already have tickets for.
Needless to say, I am ready to be wearing a baseball hat, cheering for my best friend's favorite baseball team, and being in a state that actually knows what guacamole is.
Baseball, Ray, Baseball!
Love,
Emily
January 20, 2007
wrong thinking
The theme for last semester was wrong thinking.
In Philosophy I learned that Socrates' biggest plight was people thinking that they have knowledge when they really don't. We actually explored the question 'what does it mean to know something' and we learned that a couple of philosophers had a lot of definitions for what it doesn't mean to know something.
In British Literature, specifically in the section that had to do with Medieval thought about religion, we read "The Tragical History of Dr. Faustus" --This guy (Dr. Faustus) had all of the knowledge in the world but still decided to puruse magic and conjuring up the devil because he wasn't thinking correctly.
I just watched 'Saved'-anyone that has seen that movie can attest to the fact that people with wrong thinking do damage.
This led me to think about what I discussed all last semester: is the wrong mindset the worst thing in the world?
For me, yes.
I have been plagued by wrong thinking.
Example time: Tonight I couldn't get something out of my head and I allowed it to ruin my entire evening. (Before you're worried, it was something insignificant and small.) Sure, I had fun, but my mind couldn't get out of the state that it was in. I'm sure this affected how I treated people-even if it wasn't noticeable, I still could tell the difference in myself.
Wrong thinking = wrong thoughts about self normally. And for me, wrong emotions that can get out of control fast.
And do you know what I want through all of this time of feeling bad for myself? I just want someone to love me. I don't even want to rectify the situation in my mind, I just want someone to generally love me for me.
BOO HOO EMILY-This is what should be going through your head right now.
Before this gets too emotional, I really want to get to the point that-even though it really stinks to admit it-that when I am like this I miss the actions that could really be described as love because I'm too caught up in self pity/not letting go/not being vulnerable.
And then I get on this avenue toward needing to be fulfilled and that's never a good place to be in.
The left turn directly before that 'avenue' is to debunk the specific wrong thinking that is in my head right now. So I'm off to go do that in the best way that I know how: journaling.
Words from my youth: when God brings up an issue, it usually means that He wants you to deal with it.
Deal = going to Him with the issue, talking to Him about why it's bothering you, waiting for His help to debunk the situation-through people, His word, one time I think my bad thinking was debunked by a tv show once.
Anyway, I'll let you know when this specific onset of bad thinking is debunked/how the debunking came about.
Love,
Emily
In Philosophy I learned that Socrates' biggest plight was people thinking that they have knowledge when they really don't. We actually explored the question 'what does it mean to know something' and we learned that a couple of philosophers had a lot of definitions for what it doesn't mean to know something.
In British Literature, specifically in the section that had to do with Medieval thought about religion, we read "The Tragical History of Dr. Faustus" --This guy (Dr. Faustus) had all of the knowledge in the world but still decided to puruse magic and conjuring up the devil because he wasn't thinking correctly.
I just watched 'Saved'-anyone that has seen that movie can attest to the fact that people with wrong thinking do damage.
This led me to think about what I discussed all last semester: is the wrong mindset the worst thing in the world?
For me, yes.
I have been plagued by wrong thinking.
Example time: Tonight I couldn't get something out of my head and I allowed it to ruin my entire evening. (Before you're worried, it was something insignificant and small.) Sure, I had fun, but my mind couldn't get out of the state that it was in. I'm sure this affected how I treated people-even if it wasn't noticeable, I still could tell the difference in myself.
Wrong thinking = wrong thoughts about self normally. And for me, wrong emotions that can get out of control fast.
And do you know what I want through all of this time of feeling bad for myself? I just want someone to love me. I don't even want to rectify the situation in my mind, I just want someone to generally love me for me.
BOO HOO EMILY-This is what should be going through your head right now.
Before this gets too emotional, I really want to get to the point that-even though it really stinks to admit it-that when I am like this I miss the actions that could really be described as love because I'm too caught up in self pity/not letting go/not being vulnerable.
And then I get on this avenue toward needing to be fulfilled and that's never a good place to be in.
The left turn directly before that 'avenue' is to debunk the specific wrong thinking that is in my head right now. So I'm off to go do that in the best way that I know how: journaling.
Words from my youth: when God brings up an issue, it usually means that He wants you to deal with it.
Deal = going to Him with the issue, talking to Him about why it's bothering you, waiting for His help to debunk the situation-through people, His word, one time I think my bad thinking was debunked by a tv show once.
Anyway, I'll let you know when this specific onset of bad thinking is debunked/how the debunking came about.
Love,
Emily
January 15, 2007
don't close your eyes
balance-to bring in to or keep in equal or satisfying proportion or harmony
I'm pretty sure that balance is one of the hardest things in life.
I'm not talking about balancing school work with my social life-I think for the college level I've got that down.
But balancing other things....abstract things
I'll try my best to explain.
I'm finding that everything in my life has to do with submission. In this book that I read "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" (before you laugh-it was good to read after all of the I Kissed Dating Goodbye Types in the world) something stuck out to me: "When asked about their relationships, women talk a lot about desiring to respond, desiring to be pursued, wanted, initiated with, and so forth. It helps them feel aggressive. A man's strength allows her to be all she is created to be." (Cloud 147)
Aggression = initiating things in the realtionship
Before you think this has to do with relationships, let me stop and say that it isn't. My whole life I've been the strong personality-the extrovert, the leader, the initiator, the pursue-er-and I've always struggled with the concept of God's will because I've felt (because of my personality) that I am too take charge-and I'm afraid that I will miss what God has for me because I'm off doing or wanting to do other things. This has led to an extreme amount of inaction over the past couple of years of my life (a.k.a I sit around forever and try to discern what God wants me to do down to the littlest detail). While this is a good exercise in waiting on God, I have come to the conclusion that this is not how He created us to be, and that my extreme leader personality isn't such a bad thing after all.
My whole college career I have focused on English because it is something that I've loved and also is something that I am good at. I never felt like I was lead by the voice of God to do English-it just seemed natural. And I've always doubted it because I never heard directly from God. Then, in the middle of this Feature and Magazine Writing class-I felt like God was showing me the specific knacks that he created me with. I remembered when I was a little girl and would write stories down on lined paper-the kind with the dashes in the middle so you could make your letters correctly-and I would staple them together to make books. I was also extremely story board and plot oriented-I loved making up stories in my head (my family has some pretty funny stories about my old tendencies with that). When I was older I loved to take different mediums and put them collage like on a flat surface to create art. All of a sudden I had it-God was showing me that He wanted me to pursue Magazine layout after school. And I felt like it was the most natural thing ever.
Now here I am, ready to work on the Papyrus (school newspaper) next semester, sending out my resume to people I can do layout for, and stimulating my artistic side by cutting and pasting everything that I can find and sort of calling it art. I am passionately pursuing this direction that God has opened my eyes to-even though it was totally there the whole time. He's given me the vision, now I'm after it.
This brings a whole new meaning to "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -37:4 The desires of my heart were already there. I've always struggled with this verse as well.
So what does this all have to do with submission? I'm learning that submitting to God does not mean inacation in the rest of my life-I've been pursuing an English major for the past two and a half years while trying to hear what God wants for me after school-whether it be going to the mission field or going to grad school or getting an English type job-and to be honest, those could all be possibilities still, but I have an umbrella to work under now: magazine layout and loving people. I'm submitting that to God and waiting for the next step.
His nature to show me what is good and of Him gives me the peace to passionately and aggresively pursue all that He has for me in life.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a 'go at it one hundred percent' person-If I get something in my mind that I think is what God wants me to do-I go for it without looking back.
Another important thing to add is that if whatever I am doing is not good/the right thing, I trust that God will turn me back around-and teach me something in the process.
I need to have more grace when people make bad decisions-because I make them all the time-which means I need grace for myself as well.
God is good.
A few lyrics from one of Switchfoot's songs....I was listening to it the other day in the car, and I'm pretty sure that God has connectedness because I get pounded with a particular message at different points in my life:
Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
*****************************************************
Trust in God's promises and let them promote you to action-love people, pursue what God has for you/who He's created you to be, be true to your personality.
Love,
Emily
I'm pretty sure that balance is one of the hardest things in life.
I'm not talking about balancing school work with my social life-I think for the college level I've got that down.
But balancing other things....abstract things
I'll try my best to explain.
I'm finding that everything in my life has to do with submission. In this book that I read "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" (before you laugh-it was good to read after all of the I Kissed Dating Goodbye Types in the world) something stuck out to me: "When asked about their relationships, women talk a lot about desiring to respond, desiring to be pursued, wanted, initiated with, and so forth. It helps them feel aggressive. A man's strength allows her to be all she is created to be." (Cloud 147)
Aggression = initiating things in the realtionship
Before you think this has to do with relationships, let me stop and say that it isn't. My whole life I've been the strong personality-the extrovert, the leader, the initiator, the pursue-er-and I've always struggled with the concept of God's will because I've felt (because of my personality) that I am too take charge-and I'm afraid that I will miss what God has for me because I'm off doing or wanting to do other things. This has led to an extreme amount of inaction over the past couple of years of my life (a.k.a I sit around forever and try to discern what God wants me to do down to the littlest detail). While this is a good exercise in waiting on God, I have come to the conclusion that this is not how He created us to be, and that my extreme leader personality isn't such a bad thing after all.
My whole college career I have focused on English because it is something that I've loved and also is something that I am good at. I never felt like I was lead by the voice of God to do English-it just seemed natural. And I've always doubted it because I never heard directly from God. Then, in the middle of this Feature and Magazine Writing class-I felt like God was showing me the specific knacks that he created me with. I remembered when I was a little girl and would write stories down on lined paper-the kind with the dashes in the middle so you could make your letters correctly-and I would staple them together to make books. I was also extremely story board and plot oriented-I loved making up stories in my head (my family has some pretty funny stories about my old tendencies with that). When I was older I loved to take different mediums and put them collage like on a flat surface to create art. All of a sudden I had it-God was showing me that He wanted me to pursue Magazine layout after school. And I felt like it was the most natural thing ever.
Now here I am, ready to work on the Papyrus (school newspaper) next semester, sending out my resume to people I can do layout for, and stimulating my artistic side by cutting and pasting everything that I can find and sort of calling it art. I am passionately pursuing this direction that God has opened my eyes to-even though it was totally there the whole time. He's given me the vision, now I'm after it.
This brings a whole new meaning to "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -37:4 The desires of my heart were already there. I've always struggled with this verse as well.
So what does this all have to do with submission? I'm learning that submitting to God does not mean inacation in the rest of my life-I've been pursuing an English major for the past two and a half years while trying to hear what God wants for me after school-whether it be going to the mission field or going to grad school or getting an English type job-and to be honest, those could all be possibilities still, but I have an umbrella to work under now: magazine layout and loving people. I'm submitting that to God and waiting for the next step.
His nature to show me what is good and of Him gives me the peace to passionately and aggresively pursue all that He has for me in life.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a 'go at it one hundred percent' person-If I get something in my mind that I think is what God wants me to do-I go for it without looking back.
Another important thing to add is that if whatever I am doing is not good/the right thing, I trust that God will turn me back around-and teach me something in the process.
I need to have more grace when people make bad decisions-because I make them all the time-which means I need grace for myself as well.
God is good.
A few lyrics from one of Switchfoot's songs....I was listening to it the other day in the car, and I'm pretty sure that God has connectedness because I get pounded with a particular message at different points in my life:
Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
*****************************************************
Trust in God's promises and let them promote you to action-love people, pursue what God has for you/who He's created you to be, be true to your personality.
Love,
Emily
January 12, 2007
interrobang
Hello Friends-
I've decided to start a blog-mostly because I like to write and I like to tell stories.
And my friend Christie reads Ken Jennings blog everyday (the guy who was on Jeopardy for a ridiculous amount of time) and she gets a kick out of it.
Which leads me to another big point of this blog: entertaining YOU-it might be something funny, it might be devotional style (what can i say-i'm a big 'share from the heart' type person), or it might just be something interesting (for those of you from G-ville, I have input.)
Like this for example:
in·ter·ro·bang
–noun
a printed punctuation mark , available only in some typefaces, designed to combine the question mark (?) and the exclamation point (!), indicating a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question.
How many times do you use the interrobang?!
Okay, so it's actually a combined punctuation mark that sorta looks like the letter P with a dot at the bottom BUT I like to use it as stated above.
(That's from Ken Jennings blog by the way. What can I say, I can only aspire to be like him.)
So I hope you enjoy reading my blog. (I'm bad at ending things, I guess this will be a learning experience.)
Oh and I will not use this to post my extremely emotional feelings (only a priveleged few get that experience), I will not post extremely long surveys about myself that will be composed of yes and no questions, and I probably won't write every single day.
I will love every comment that you leave in response to the stuff I post, I will post stuff that I have written/am writing (fiction) on here for honest opinion, and I will try to remember 2007 (i was bad at remembering 2006) with this blog.
Thanks for reading!
-Emily
I've decided to start a blog-mostly because I like to write and I like to tell stories.
And my friend Christie reads Ken Jennings blog everyday (the guy who was on Jeopardy for a ridiculous amount of time) and she gets a kick out of it.
Which leads me to another big point of this blog: entertaining YOU-it might be something funny, it might be devotional style (what can i say-i'm a big 'share from the heart' type person), or it might just be something interesting (for those of you from G-ville, I have input.)
Like this for example:
in·ter·ro·bang
–noun
a printed punctuation mark , available only in some typefaces, designed to combine the question mark (?) and the exclamation point (!), indicating a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question.
How many times do you use the interrobang?!
Okay, so it's actually a combined punctuation mark that sorta looks like the letter P with a dot at the bottom BUT I like to use it as stated above.
(That's from Ken Jennings blog by the way. What can I say, I can only aspire to be like him.)
So I hope you enjoy reading my blog. (I'm bad at ending things, I guess this will be a learning experience.)
Oh and I will not use this to post my extremely emotional feelings (only a priveleged few get that experience), I will not post extremely long surveys about myself that will be composed of yes and no questions, and I probably won't write every single day.
I will love every comment that you leave in response to the stuff I post, I will post stuff that I have written/am writing (fiction) on here for honest opinion, and I will try to remember 2007 (i was bad at remembering 2006) with this blog.
Thanks for reading!
-Emily
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